Salon.com mwt | Sex as an extreme sport I wanted emotional exploration — only monogamy stood in my way.
“It’s not that I don’t believe in monogamy,” I explained. “It’s that I don’t think that monogamy is the only possible expression of human needs and desires.”
It doesn’t take superhuman powers of observation to notice that many of us cannot take a vow of monogamy and keep it forever; and when we do, it is often out of fear of the consequences, not out of commitment to our partner. Far from signaling true connection, monogamy can become a substitute for emotional attachment. I wasn’t sure what was possible, but I knew that I didn’t want to be in a long-term relationship cemented by fear. Single or married, I still had the same goal: to untangle the confusing web of sex, loss and intimacy.
What I didn’t hear, from either my friends or my lovers, was that monogamy was desirable because it provided a channel to greater closeness, because it was a way of exploring the unknown. Instead, I listened to a familiar litany, full of shoulds and oughts and moral opprobrium, all of which I understood, even respected, but couldn’t support.
Talking with friends about this over the weekend, wish they were on-line time to print for them.
[via mouth organ]