Category: Humor

The Code Project – Fun Stuff – The Scrapbook

An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The IT guy said, “I like both.”

“Both?”

The IT guy replied “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done.”

[via stronglytyped]

The Code Project – Fun Stuff – The Scrapbook

An architect, an artist and an IT guy were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The IT guy said, “I like both.”

“Both?”

The IT guy replied “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done.”

[via stronglytyped]

Believe it or not…this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on October 10, 1995.
U.S. Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
CND Reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
U.S. Ship: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND Reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
U.S. Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA,WE ARE A VERY LARGE WARSHIP OF THE U.S. NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!!
CND Reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Fact or fiction, you be the judge.

Believe it or not…this is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on October 10, 1995.
U.S. Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
CND Reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
U.S. Ship: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND Reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
U.S. Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA,WE ARE A VERY LARGE WARSHIP OF THE U.S. NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!!
CND Reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Fact or fiction, you be the judge.

A little tax season humor I recieved from an I.R.S. employee.

A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders-just as the Enron or WorldCom guys. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.
“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”
“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.
“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d go
on, in his obnoxious way…”Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?”
“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the I.R.S.”
“The I.R.S.?,” questioned the auditor in disbelief.
“Ahh, yes,” replied the Rabbi, ” the I.R.S. ” …and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you.”

A little tax season humor I recieved from an I.R.S. employee.

A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the IRS, excited to begin tracking down high-powered offenders-just as the Enron or WorldCom guys. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and taxes were pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.
“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”
“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.
“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d go
on, in his obnoxious way…”Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. “Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?”
“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the I.R.S.”
“The I.R.S.?,” questioned the auditor in disbelief.
“Ahh, yes,” replied the Rabbi, ” the I.R.S. ” …and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you.”